Sep 30Liked by Kailey Brennan DelloRusso, Brittany Ackerman
I wonder if part of it is that writers and other artists share more of ourselves, through our work, than we normally would in making friendships. We therefore can't have the kind of superficial connections that are possible when one doesn't reveal one's full self and it's that much harder to find our people because the bar is set so high. But when we do, well, that person is as special as Ann Patchett <3
Oct 4Liked by Kailey Brennan DelloRusso, Brittany Ackerman
This resonated so hard—especially the idea that writers are so busy spiraling, ruminating, and possibly retraumatizing ourselves (???🥲🥲🥲???), that maybe we’re just not wired to enjoy simple pleasures? That’s an ongoing struggle for me, and one it helps to find solidarity in! Thank you for writing this, Brittany!
Oct 2Liked by Kailey Brennan DelloRusso, Brittany Ackerman
I had a lovely community of poets at Johns Hopkins University. It hung together for 15 years. Alas, the teacher retired, all of us are aging...and the community has vanished. JHU doesn't offer this class anymore. I am on a search for such a community.
Oct 2Liked by Kailey Brennan DelloRusso, Brittany Ackerman
Hello, I’m finding some friendships on Substack ( new but have potential), some friendly but not deep friendships in a creative writing group. A friend with whom I worked, I have discovered, is also a poet. We’ve always had original and authentic conversations but they are my deepest so far.
Oct 1Liked by Kailey Brennan DelloRusso, Brittany Ackerman
Alright — I’ve just finished reading now. This is, of course, the first newsletter I open once the baby falls asleep and my blackout Substack reading starts.
Thank you for such a thoughtful piece, Brittany. Literary friendships are such a curious thought. Just recently, I started a writer’s instagram, and for the first time, I’ve accidentally stumbled into a joyful, pure friendships with another writer. I think as a new mom who often feels isolated from the world, I want so desperately to connect with other women that when I see their creations, I’m fascinated by them and genuinely want to throw roses and happy tears up to them onstage. This one friend in particular (also a new mom) and I send paragraphs and paragraphs back and forth. I’ve never felt so understood in my roles as a creative and a creative mother.
Sep 30Liked by Kailey Brennan DelloRusso, Brittany Ackerman
Once upon a time there was a poetry workshop at Hopkins U. and I belonged to it for 15 years....every Tuesday night was joy. There were about 15 people in it and a quiet, brilliant, friendly teacher. We taught us forms. She encouraged us. I ended up winning competitions, and after I won an important award, she took me out to a 3-hour coffee and told me I was the Real Deal....that I should PLEASE devote more of myself to writing. Did I follow her instructions? No. Now it's 12 years later and I'm trying to start again. I hope I can.
Sep 30Liked by Kailey Brennan DelloRusso, Brittany Ackerman
I often think that part of the problem with making friends is that we tend to over-commit ourselves; so, making time for a friendship, which is a relationship that requires work, tends to take a backseat to other "more important" things in our lives.
As I've grown older, I've realized that I don't really care for superficial things--conversations, hobbies, etc. But writing is a friend in that I return to it again and again, and no matter how long I've been away, it and I continue to have a relationship with one another--because it is important to me. So, finding a "person" friend should be like that, too--to me. It's someone that even though I haven't talked to them in a long while, when we do reconnect, it's like nothing has really changed--even though we both clearly have. We can talk about anything with one another. But that doesn't happen easily. It requires time and patience, much like writing that special something does.
That's not to say that I don't have "practice" friends; just like with practice writing, I start friendships with other people and work towards becoming more--over time. Just like a first draft isn't the finished product (more often than not), so, too, do friendships take time to develop. On occasion there's that rare moment when all the planets align or something and someone is just immediately "one of my people" but that is a VERY rare thing, and something to be treasured. Most often, though, much like writing, it takes being open to friendship, being open to really spend time getting to know someone, and understanding that sometimes things just aren't going to work out. But from each instance, we learn something more about ourselves--what we want, what we don't want, who we want to be, and who we need in our lives.
And a good friend, a true friend, will stick with us through all the bad edits and revisions, and together we'll become something amazing and wonderful.
Finding your community, finding those people you click with? It's something we must work at and strive for--if it's important to us. And that means, sometimes, sticking our necks out--writing a comment, ...being willing to share of ourselves.
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Thank you for the wonderful essay. I love it, and I'm looking forward to the next one. I especially enjoyed the video. *laughing* It gave a bit more voice to the words I was reading. And I appreciate the vulnerability and specificity you put into this piece. It felt like just enough--though I might have added more, and I hope you will in the future--add more details about the little things. I'm learning that those details are what brings people closer rather than alienating them--weird as that seems to me.
SIN CERE - it's Latin for without wax, a marketer's promise to consumers that s/he sold fresh fruit vs rotting fruit with a wax coating.
One way to test if a friendship is authentic is to ask a small favor, a doable favor that's not time-consuming, a favor that shows this individual has a willingness to help you in your writing career.
So many writer colleagues have failed this test, revealing what is at their core.
I wonder if part of it is that writers and other artists share more of ourselves, through our work, than we normally would in making friendships. We therefore can't have the kind of superficial connections that are possible when one doesn't reveal one's full self and it's that much harder to find our people because the bar is set so high. But when we do, well, that person is as special as Ann Patchett <3
I really enjoyed this piece. Thanks
Brittany's essay strike a chord. Friendship, a form of love, is essential.
Without it, we drift anonymously on a sea of doubt.
So completely lovely. Thank you.
Anything Write or Die, Kailey, or Brittany goes straight to the top of my newsletter TBR. OH YEAH BABY, TREAT YOURSELF!
why is friendship so hard. Ugh.
yes yes yes
This resonated so hard—especially the idea that writers are so busy spiraling, ruminating, and possibly retraumatizing ourselves (???🥲🥲🥲???), that maybe we’re just not wired to enjoy simple pleasures? That’s an ongoing struggle for me, and one it helps to find solidarity in! Thank you for writing this, Brittany!
Such tenderness in the story of Dee <3
I had a lovely community of poets at Johns Hopkins University. It hung together for 15 years. Alas, the teacher retired, all of us are aging...and the community has vanished. JHU doesn't offer this class anymore. I am on a search for such a community.
Hello, I’m finding some friendships on Substack ( new but have potential), some friendly but not deep friendships in a creative writing group. A friend with whom I worked, I have discovered, is also a poet. We’ve always had original and authentic conversations but they are my deepest so far.
Alright — I’ve just finished reading now. This is, of course, the first newsletter I open once the baby falls asleep and my blackout Substack reading starts.
Thank you for such a thoughtful piece, Brittany. Literary friendships are such a curious thought. Just recently, I started a writer’s instagram, and for the first time, I’ve accidentally stumbled into a joyful, pure friendships with another writer. I think as a new mom who often feels isolated from the world, I want so desperately to connect with other women that when I see their creations, I’m fascinated by them and genuinely want to throw roses and happy tears up to them onstage. This one friend in particular (also a new mom) and I send paragraphs and paragraphs back and forth. I’ve never felt so understood in my roles as a creative and a creative mother.
Once upon a time there was a poetry workshop at Hopkins U. and I belonged to it for 15 years....every Tuesday night was joy. There were about 15 people in it and a quiet, brilliant, friendly teacher. We taught us forms. She encouraged us. I ended up winning competitions, and after I won an important award, she took me out to a 3-hour coffee and told me I was the Real Deal....that I should PLEASE devote more of myself to writing. Did I follow her instructions? No. Now it's 12 years later and I'm trying to start again. I hope I can.
I often think that part of the problem with making friends is that we tend to over-commit ourselves; so, making time for a friendship, which is a relationship that requires work, tends to take a backseat to other "more important" things in our lives.
As I've grown older, I've realized that I don't really care for superficial things--conversations, hobbies, etc. But writing is a friend in that I return to it again and again, and no matter how long I've been away, it and I continue to have a relationship with one another--because it is important to me. So, finding a "person" friend should be like that, too--to me. It's someone that even though I haven't talked to them in a long while, when we do reconnect, it's like nothing has really changed--even though we both clearly have. We can talk about anything with one another. But that doesn't happen easily. It requires time and patience, much like writing that special something does.
That's not to say that I don't have "practice" friends; just like with practice writing, I start friendships with other people and work towards becoming more--over time. Just like a first draft isn't the finished product (more often than not), so, too, do friendships take time to develop. On occasion there's that rare moment when all the planets align or something and someone is just immediately "one of my people" but that is a VERY rare thing, and something to be treasured. Most often, though, much like writing, it takes being open to friendship, being open to really spend time getting to know someone, and understanding that sometimes things just aren't going to work out. But from each instance, we learn something more about ourselves--what we want, what we don't want, who we want to be, and who we need in our lives.
And a good friend, a true friend, will stick with us through all the bad edits and revisions, and together we'll become something amazing and wonderful.
Finding your community, finding those people you click with? It's something we must work at and strive for--if it's important to us. And that means, sometimes, sticking our necks out--writing a comment, ...being willing to share of ourselves.
----------
Thank you for the wonderful essay. I love it, and I'm looking forward to the next one. I especially enjoyed the video. *laughing* It gave a bit more voice to the words I was reading. And I appreciate the vulnerability and specificity you put into this piece. It felt like just enough--though I might have added more, and I hope you will in the future--add more details about the little things. I'm learning that those details are what brings people closer rather than alienating them--weird as that seems to me.
SIN CERE - it's Latin for without wax, a marketer's promise to consumers that s/he sold fresh fruit vs rotting fruit with a wax coating.
One way to test if a friendship is authentic is to ask a small favor, a doable favor that's not time-consuming, a favor that shows this individual has a willingness to help you in your writing career.
So many writer colleagues have failed this test, revealing what is at their core.